I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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