whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
