She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
