Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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