you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
