so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
