Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
