I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
