when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
