Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
