Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Houston, we have a blender
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
