Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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