Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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