There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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