so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
