looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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