I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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