dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
