I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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