you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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