hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
