i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
