The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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