Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
