You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
