would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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