So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
