i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
