Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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