Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
