she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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