I wannas sexs uuuuu
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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