He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
