hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
