i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
