i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
