feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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