Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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