If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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