Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
