Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
