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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
