we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
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The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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