he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
