if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well I just put wine in my tea
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