Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
