That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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