You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize