Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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