My nipple is on Facebook.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize