i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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