bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
