I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
