his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
