Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your penis caused this!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
