I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
