So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
