Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
