Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
