Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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