1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
