bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
