how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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