He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
