he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
